10 Best Jokes of the Week (as decided by me, I don’t care about your opinion)

1. On Wednesday, U.S. Treasury Secretary Jack Lew said a woman will be featured on a redesigned $10 bill by 2020. Which means, theres’s a chance, for the first time in over 20 years, Hillary may be on a Bill.

2. In a recent interview, former Spokane NAACP president Rachel Dolezal said she doesn’t consider herself a con artist. Unless that’s some sort of new slang black people are now using, in that case, yes she does.

3. George Kirby, 103, and Doreen Luckie, 91, became the world’s oldest newlywed couple on Saturday. They are registered at Sponge Bath & Beyond.

4. George Kirby, 103, and Doreen Luckie, 91, became the world’s oldest newlywed couple on Saturday. Does the time they are living on count as their something borrowed?

5. The lead singer of Smash Mouth launched into an obscenity-laced tirade and threatened to punch a fan in the face after being pelted with bread while performing at a state fair in Colorado. That’s terrible, my heart goes out to the guy labeled a Smash Mouth fan.

6. Reports are emerging that the two prison escapees in upstate New York had a sexual relationship with prison worker Joyce Mitchell. Proving that every man, no matter the situation, will try to sneak away the morning after.

7. This week, Brooklyn hosted its annual smallest penis contest. It was really hard to tell if anyone was excited to be there.

8. Three astronauts returned to Earth last week from the International Space Station after spending more than 200 days in space. Which is a long time, but I can relate because I sat through all of “Interstellar.”

9. “Jurassic World” claimed the #1 spot in the box office over the weekend. The movie tells the tale of misfortune and disaster that results from bringing back a once extinct race … oh, no, sorry, that’s the story of Rick Perry’s 2016 presidential campaign.

10. Italian neurosurgeon Sergio Canavero unveiled his plans to perform the first human head transplant, saying he believes he has a 90% chance of success. Said Dr. Canavero, “‘Sucess” means ‘murder,’ right?”

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