June 2, 2015 – Monologue Jokes

1. Yesterday, in an interview with ‘Vanity Fair,’ Bruce Jenner revealed that she will live the rest of her life as Caitlyn Jenner. How do you pick that name and not use a ‘K’? Do you not realize how your family spells things?

2. Yesterday, in an interview with ‘Vanity Fair,’ Bruce Jenner revealed that she will live the rest of her life as Caitlyn Jenner. Congratulations to her, but it seems like she missed the obvious name, Jennifer Bruce.

3. The Twitter account launched by Caitlyn Jenner yesterday gained 1 million followers in just over four hours, besting the previous record of five hours held by President Obama’s Twitter account. So if the Republicans are really serious about taking back the White House, they know who they need to nominate.

4. Archaeologists have discovered a slave ship that sunk off the coast of Cape Town over 200 years ago. Experts believe the ship hit an unseen rock right after a slave chained up in the ship’s hold ironically asked “How could things get any worse?”

5. In an interview with ‘GQ’ magazine, actor Vince Vaughn said he supports guns in all schools to prevent mass shootings. And anyone who’s been forced to sit through ‘Couples Retreat’ or ‘The Internship’ knows the feeling of not having a gun when you really need one.

6. Michael Jackson’s son, Prince Michael, graduated from high school over the weekend. And, if the King of Pop were still alive, I’d like to think he’d say, “Today son you’ve become a man and, as a result, I no longer have any interest in you.”

7. On Monday, the Supreme Court ruled in favor of a Muslim woman who was not hired at Abercrombie & Fitch because she wore a religious head covering. The Court also ruled that Hot Topic employees may continue to wear head coverings to protect themselves from the embarrassment of working at Hot Topic.

8. Hillary Clinton will hold the first large rally of her campaign this month on Roosevelt Island, the slip of land in New York’s East River best known as the site of the former New York City Lunatic Asylum. “I am familiar with the island,” said Bernie Sanders.

9. On Monday, comedian Tracy Morgan gave his first interview since he was injured in a car crash over a year ago, promising to return to comedy when he is fully healthy. And you could tell Morgan didn’t feel 100% because he vowed to “get some people in the room pregnant.”

10. A 92-year-old grandmother has become the oldest woman in the world to complete a marathon after finishing a 26.2 mile race in San Diego over the weekend. Of course that race was the 1998 San Diego marathon.

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