10 Best Jokes of the Week (as decided by me, I don’t care about your opinion)

1. On Thursday, Russian President Vladimir Putin accused the U.S. of meddling outside its jurisdiction in response to the FBI probe and arrest of several FIFA officials. Said Putin, “If you want to meddle outside your jurisdiction, first invade it and make it your jurisdiction.”

2. Eighth-graders Gokul Venkatachalam of Missouri and Vanya Shivanshankar of Kansas were declared co-winners of the Scripps National Spelling Bee on Thursday. Not to be confused with Gokul Venkatachalam of Kentucky and Venya Shivanshankar of Arkansas.

3. German Chancellor Angela Merkel topped the Forbes list of the world’s 100 most powerful women for the fifth year in a row. Coming in last, Angela Merkel’s stylist.

4. Three-term Arizona Democratic Congresswoman Ann Kirkpatrick said on Tuesday she will seek to oust Republican John McCain from his U.S. Senate seat in 2016. “Not if I beat you to it,” said Father Time.

5. Four advertisers pulled out of TLC’s reality show “19 Kids and Counting” after reports that the eldest Duggar son, Josh, molested underaged girls. Said Mr. and Mrs. Duggar, “What does ‘pulled out’ mean?”

6. Amid a tough restructuring plan, Malaysian Airlines is set to layoff approximately 6,000 employees. Or, as it was reported to those employees, congratulations you won a free flight on Malaysian Airlines.

7. A Seattle couple left nearly $850,000 to the U.S. government in their will. “That’s actually from the three of us,” said Wesley Snipes.

8. Over the weekend, actresses Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen announced that they will not reprise their roles in the upcoming “Full House” reboot. To replace them producers will use two scarecrows with frowns.

9. A 65-year-old German grandmother gave birth to quadruplets at a Berlin hospital last week. The grandmother says she plans on breast-feeding, so, hope you like powdered milk, kids.

10. U.S. cable network TLC said on Friday it has pulled all episodes of “19 Kids and Counting,”its top-rated reality television show featuring a large Christian family, after reports surfaced that the eldest son had molested underage girls as a teen. “Ew, gross, Christians,” said Woody Allen.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.