10 Best Jokes of the Week (as decided by me, I don’t care about your opinion)

1. A Taco Bell in Chicago will reportedly start selling alcohol. It’s all part of that store’s plan to make it harder to determine which part of the meal gave you the shits.

2. New Jersey Governor Chris Christie has reversed course and now says he no longer supports a pathway to citizenship for undocumented aliens. And people around Christie new he was reversing his position because they heard a loud beeping noise.

3. An Australian man has been ordered to undergo counseling after he was convicted of having sex with a pony for the second time. Even weirder, it’s couples counseling.

4. The International Gay Rodeo was held in Arkansas last month. Which is either a giant step forward in tolerance in a historically conservative Bible-belt state or a pretty insensitive way to round-up all the gays.

5. A Chinese businessman has reportedly spent $8 million to hire a Japanese porn star to be his personal assistant for the next fifteen years. Funny story about the first time he asked her to ‘take a dictation.’

6. A U.S. appeals court ruled on Monday that Google does not have to remove an anti-Islam film from its YouTube website because a woman complained that she was duped into performing in the film that depicted the Prophet Mohammed as a pedophile. I feel bad for the actress and even worse for the courtroom sketch artist when Mohammed took the stand.

7. The World Bank said on Monday that one in seven people around the world live without electricity. Which isn’t all bad news, because at least those people don’t have to deal with Time Warner.

8. A resort in Mexico has opened the world’s first underwater bar. “Second,” said the ghosts of Ted Kennedy and Mary Jo Kopechne.

9. A blind pole vaulter earned third place in the Texas state high school championships over the weekend. And, it’s even more impressive when you hear that she did the leap with her guide dog.

10. Xavier Bettel, Luxembourg’s prime minister married his civil partner on Friday, becoming the first serving leader in the European Union to wed someone of the same sex. Your move, Merkel.

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