10 Best Jokes of the Week (as decided by me, I don’t care about your opinion)

1. A woman in Virginia has pled guilty to spreading feces on her co-worker’s desk and computer. See, I told you Jane Goodall wasn’t cut out for an office job.

2. Michael Jackson’s glove and George Harrison’s guitar are set to be auction off in New York next week. Man, if that guitar could talk it would probably say “Get me away from that glove.”

3. According to a recent World Health Organization projection, Europe will face an obesity crisis of vast proportions by 2030. Although, according to recent pictures of Gerard Depardieu, their calculations may be a little off.

4. On Tuesday, a woman in a wheelchair won a treadmill on “The Price is Right.” Begging the question, how the hell did she “come on down” in the first place?

5. On Monday, it was revealed that Charlotte is the name of the new royal baby. And, since she was just born and is not yet potty-trained, that family now has two Charlies who are unable to sit on the throne.

6. Samsung and Walt Disney’s Marvel introduced a marketing campaign that uses virtual reality to promote the new “Avengers: Age of Ultron” movie. The technology is so life-like that it can make Johnny Depp feel like he’s actually in a successful movie.

7. After losing in an unanimous decision to Floyd Mayweather Saturday night, Manny Pacquiao told reporters that he thought that he had won the match. That story again, the guy who got hit in the head 100 times has a different memory of things.

8. Over the weekend, golfer Tiger Woods and skier Lindsey Vonn announced the end of their three-year relationship citing “hectic lives that force us to spend a majority of our time apart.” Begging the question, what kind of stripper name is “Hectic Lives”?

9. Two more women came forward on Friday claiming that comedian Bill Cosby sexually assaulted them decades ago, bringing the list of accusers to more than 40. I’m no legal expert, but it’s probably a bad sign when the rape case against you is a class action.

10. Last week, possible presidential candidate Jeb Bush said if he could take anyone he wanted to a basketball game he would choose Teddy Roosevelt or rapper Pitbull. And if Bush does catch a game with Pitbull the real hero will be the guy who operates the Kiss Cam.

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