10 Best Jokes of the Week (as decided by me, I don’t care about your opinion)

1. Starbucks announced on Tuesday that it will open up a store in Ferguson, Missouri. As part of its grand opening, the store will run a promotion where any customer who orders a black coffee will be given a free shot … of espresso.

2. On Wednesday, the NBA announced that it will stage its first ever exhibition game in Africa later this year. It will be called the Inaugural Donald Sterling Nightmare Classic.

3. On Wednesday, police in Utah arrested a 25-year-old man on suspicion of arson after he told officers he lit a brush-fire that burned dozens of acres to signal for help after his car got stuck. Even worse, turns out he just had the parking brake on the whole time.

4. Prostitutes from Nevada’s famous brothel the Moonlight Bunny Ranch have launched a campaign called “Hookers for Hillary.” “See, I told you all my ‘polling’ would pay off,” said Bill.

5. According to a new poll, Spirit Airlines ranked last in customer satisfaction. Although, the results were a little bit skewed since most passengers of Malaysian Airlines weren’t able to fill out the questionnaire.

6. It was announced on Monday that Netflix has ordered a reunion special for the beloved TV show “Full House.” If Uncle Jesse and Uncle Joey both attend, it will mark the first time in television history that that many uncles were in one house, at one time, without having to explain themselves to Chris Hanson.

7. Kraft Foods said on Monday that it is revamping its popular macaroni-and-cheese product, removing synthetic colors and preservatives from the boxed dinner. So, apparently, Kraft is now selling an empty box.

8. On Sunday, Molly Schuyler, a 124-pound mother of four, ate three 72-ounce steaks, three baked potatoes, three side salads, three rolls and three shrimp cocktails in under 20 minutes to win a eating competition in Texas. And, just like that, Chris Christie has a running mate.

9. Kendall Schler, who was originally declared the winner of this year’s St. Louis Marathon on April 12, had her title taken away and was officially disqualified after it was discovered that she had cheated to win the race. Officials became suspicious when they noticed her name was Kendall and not Ndereba.

10. Actor Ben Affleck is facing controversy after reportedly asking producers of PBS’s genealogy show “Finding Your Roots” to exclude details about his ancestor’s embarrassing slave-owning past. Just like future generations of Affleck’s will ask similar shows to exclude any mention of their family’s embarrassing Gigli-making past.

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