10 Best Jokes of the Week (as decided by me, I don’t care about your opinion)

1. The 13 large, illuminated letters that read “Yankee Stadium” and sat atop the house that Ruth built in New York failed to sell at auction on Thursday after not reaching the minimum price of $300,000. No surprise, the Yankees have a habit of overvaluing old and useless junk, right A-Rod?

2. According to a new report, Facebook’s software can track users even after they quit the social media site. Which is ironic, because most people use Facebook to track an ex-boyfriend or girlfriend after they call it quits.

3. A new guide for airport security urges TSA agents to look for whistling, recently shaved beards and excessive yawning. Which is bad news for the Seven Dwarfs, especially Sleepy.

4. The Rolling Stones have announced a new 15-city U.S. stadium tour. The Stones have almost exclusively played stadiums since the construction of the Colosseum.

5. According to a new study, children who had sipped alcohol by the sixth grade were five times more likely to have a full drink by the time they were in high school. The study was conducted by asking Dina Lohan some questions.

6. On Monday, the NFL fined the Atlanta Falcons $350,000 for piping in artificial crowd noise during home games last season. The New York Jets did the same thing, but weren’t fined, after it was determined that the fake crowd noise was still people booing the Jets.

7. On Friday, Shayanna Jenkins, the fiancee of former New England Patriot Aaron Hernandez who now stands accused of murder, testified that she remembered seeing a gun “in the kitchen junk drawer.” Although, at that point, I think you can call it the gun drawer.

8. Last week, the Oprah Winfrey television network announced that it will produce a reality show about a man who has 34 children with 17 different women. That story again, the O Network is gonna start airing NBA games.

9. The first U.S. penny, which is 223 years old, sold for nearly $1.2 million dollars last week. Not since Rob Reiner’s wedding day has someone overvalued a Penny by that much.

10. A 32-year-old Arizona woman has been arrested for allegedly exposing her breasts to several guests at a bar-mitzvah party before engaging in oral sex with a 15-year-old boy. Apparently she misunderstood when the Rabbi said it was time for the Hora.

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