10 Best Jokes of the Week (as decided by me, I don’t care about your opinion)

1. Yesterday, it was announced that the next season of the wildly popular PBS series “Downton Abbey” will be its last. Said the executive producer, “Now that Zayn’s no longer in One Direction, what’s the point of anything anymore?”

2. Police are looking for two women who stole more than $2,000 worth of merchandise from a T.J. Maxx store. The women as said to be armed and extremely poorly dressed.

3. On Thursday, Pope Francis made a surprise personal visit to 150 homeless people who were on a special tour of the Sistine Chapel. The Pope said he felt very comfortable in their presence because he’s used to people asking for change from the Church.

4. This upcoming baseball season, the Milwaukee Brewers will be offering fried nachos on a stick, which consists of a stick of beef, loaded with refried beans, rolled in Doritos, deep fried and then drizzled with sour cream and nacho cheese. Leaving fans who eat the item, much like the Brewers themselves, scrambling to get home in time.

5. Six decades after the brutal slaying of Emmett Till, a 14-year-old African-American boy, the Mississippi town where two white men were acquitted of his murder is dedicating a museum to the event credited with jumpstarting the U.S. civil rights movement. So great news, you’re just 60 years away from getting a new museum, Ferguson.

6. Three and a half decades after calling for homosexuals to be stoned, former Bob Jones University President Bob Jones III has apologized. Said Jones, “Thirty-five years later, I realize my thinking was very un-evolved, we have guns now.”

7. Broadway is getting its first lesbian lead character when “Fun Home,” an award-winning musical, opens next month. Which means I owe Annie a big apology.

8. Scientists have genetically engineered a new type of potato that does not bruise. “That sounds like a challenge,” said Chris Brown.

9. People are paying up to $1,000 to play with finger paints and Play-Doh at an adult preschool in Brooklyn. But, for just $1,000 more, you can get the exact same experience and a degree from Florida State University.

10. On Friday, magician David Copperfield’s Manhattan rooftop pool burst, flooding his apartment and the apartments of neighbors beneath him. Because, as Claudia Schiffer can tell you, nothing good comes from being under David Copperfield.

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