10 Best Jokes of the Week (as decided by me, I don’t care about your opinion)

1. Professional basketball player Iman Shumpert is angry, alleging the TV show “Empire” ripped him off by basing a character on him. While Dennis Rodman says “Downton Abbey” is basically his life story.

2. On Thursday, Disney announced that the eighth installment in the “Star Wars” sci-fi film series will be released on May 26, 2017. Said Star Wars fans, “I haven’t been this excited about a date since I took my cousin to prom.”

3. Malaysian Prime Minister Najib Razak said he remains committed to the search for the missing MH370 jetliner a year after it vanished without a trace. “Trust us, don’t continue to go down the path of a lost plane when everyone already knows it will just end in disappointment,” said the writers of “Lost.”

4. The Washington Post reported on Wednesday that two Secret Service agents crashed a government vehicle after leaving a party last week while possibly drunk. Which explains why the White House has established the Secret Secret Service whose role is to protect the President from the Secret Service.

5. According to a newly published study, the use of psychedelic drugs is not linked to an increased risk of mental illness. Unless, of course, you consider being a Phish fan a mental illness.

6. According to a new study, if you want to avoid having narcissistic children, do not ‘overvalue’ them. “Uh-oh,” said Woody Allen.

7. A Swiss organization that helps people take their own lives and defends their right to refuse medical treatment, says it membership reached a record high last year. Sounds like they’re not doing their job very well.

8. According to a recent survey, more young people in Britain are learning about sex at school than ever before. Researchers are attributing this to sluttier teachers.

9. On Monday, AMC ordered a prequel series to its zombie show ‘Walking Dead.’ The show will focus on the events that caused the zombie apocalypse, which is weird, because I always assumed that’s what “Keeping Up With the Kardashians” was about.

10. Tens of thousands of people walked across a Selma, Alabama bridge on Sunday to reenact and commemorate the 50th anniversary of a turning point in the U.S. civil rights movement. “We’re not gonna reenact ever important civil rights moment in history, right?” said the guy playing the part of Martin Luther King, Jr.

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