10 Best Jokes of the Week (as decided by me, I don’t care about your opinion)

1. Germany’s Jewish community leader has advised Jews not to wear yarmulkes in areas of the country that contain large Muslim populations. Although, I get the sense that Jews who voluntarily choose to live in Germany don’t pay much attention to safety warnings.

2. KFC announced that it plans on rolling out a new completely edible cup later this year. Because sometimes you want to destroy all evidence that you went to KFC.

3. Chris Soules, the current Bachelor, said it was uncomfortable after a contestant kissed him right after discussing her dead husband. It was especially uncomfortable since, during last week’s episode, the same contestant said she would kill her husband for Chris.

4. A county branch of the Republican Party in Idaho has put forth a proposal to label Idaho as a Christian state. “You can have it,” said Jews.

5. A woman in Mexico was arrested this week after being caught masturbating during a screening of “Fifty Shades of Grey.” Said the woman, “I gave it two thumbs up, and the movie wasn’t bad either.”

6. A team of researchers studying insects in Africa has named a newly discovered species of wasp with a distinctive yellow and black pattern after Boston Bruins goalie Tuuka Rask. Marking the first time an animal has been named after an athlete since they named the pin-striped weasel after A-Rod.

7. Italian soccer player Martin Castrogiovanni is set to miss Saturday’s Six Nations match against Scotland after being bitten on the nose by a friend’s dog. Said Castrogiovanni, “Thank god I only put the peanut butter on my nose.”

8. On Monday, in a surgery that lasted over 24 hours, a Texas hospital medical team successfully separated twins who were joined at the abdomen and shared a liver, diaphragm, pelvis, intestines and the lining of the heart. “That was such a rough day and I can’t even unwind by having a drink,” said the one who didn’t get the liver.

9. A credit card that expired in 1995 that once belonged to late-Nirvana frontman Kurt Cobain was auctioned off over the weekend. But don’t worry if you didn’t win it, there are still a lot of Cobain artifacts for sale the only worked in the 90s, for instance, Courtney Love.

10. YouTube announced that it is releasing a new app for children next week called YouTube Kids. Said parents, “Hopefully this will finally get my kid to stop talking to me all the time and pay more attention to their phone.”

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