February 23, 2015 – Monologue Jokes

1. During the Oscar telecast, in a nod to the nominated film “Birdman,” host Neil Patrick Harris appeared on stage in nothing but his underwear. Or, as Kim Kardashian referred to it, overdressed.

2. JK Simmons won the best supporting actor Oscar on Sunday for playing a brutally demanding music teacher who pushes a drummer to the edge in “Whiplash.” A movie critics called “dark and intense” and Joe Jackson called, “the feel-good movie of the year.”

3. A credit card that expired in 1995 that once belonged to late-Nirvana frontman Kurt Cobain was auctioned off over the weekend. But don’t worry if you didn’t win it, there are still a lot of Cobain artifacts for sale the only worked in the 90s, for instance, Courtney Love.

4. The White House announced on Friday that President Obama will meet next month with Britain’s Prince Charles. The meeting will mark the first time the once-powerful, but now ceremonial figurehead of the country will meet with Prince Charles.

5. YouTube announced that it is releasing a new app for children next week called YouTube Kids. Said parents, “Hopefully this will finally get my kid to stop talking to me all the time and pay more attention to their phone.”

6. On Saturday, Kirk Cameron and his movie “Saving Christmas” swept the 2015 Razzie Awards, taking home the prizes for the worst picture, worst screenplay and worst actor. “You mean I rented a tux for nothing” said Adam Sandler.

7. The Texas attorney general asked the state’s Supreme Court on Friday to revoke a marriage license issued a day earlier to two women. Said the Supreme Court, “You want us to tell, not one, but two women they can’t have the wedding they want? No thanks.”

8. The Obama administration said on Friday that 800,000 people who signed up for health insurance under the Affordable Care Act received inaccurate tax forms and should wait to receive new ones before filling their taxes. “Is it too late to sign up for Obamacare?” said Wesley Snipes.

9. On Sunday, 24-year-old Joey Logano won the Daytona 500. This news is admittedly a day old, but, if you’re reading this, it means you can read, so it’s probably news to you.

10. While giving a speech to promote his new book “American Dreams,” Florida Senator Marco Rubio was heckled Friday night by activists who opposed his stance on immigration reform. Rubio said he knew something was amiss when real, live people showed up to hear him talk about his book.

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