1. After a 20-year ban, Florida is considering bringing back bear hunts to control the growing population of black bears in the state. “You had me at ‘black’ and lost me at ‘bear,’” said George Zimmerman.
2. According to police reports, disgraced cyclist Lance Armstrong hit two parked cars after a night of partying in Aspen in December of last year but agreed to let his girlfriend take the blame to avoid national media attention. But, in Armstrong’s defense, he is a horrible person with no moral compass.
3. On Tuesday, it was announced that author Harper Lee will publish a sequel to her fifty-five year old novel “To Kill a Mockingbird.” The new book will finally answer all those unanswered questions, like, is Harper Lee still alive?
4. Sunday’s SuperBowl drew a record 114.4 million viewers. So Marshawn Lynch wasn’t the only spectator on that last play.
5. After winning the SuperBowl Sunday night, possibly concussed Patriots wide receiver Julian Edelman referred to opponent Seattle as St. Louis numerous times. Even more embarrassing, the following night, Edelman showed up to the stadium in full pads ready to play the SuperBowl.
6. On Sunday, New Jersey Governor Chris Christie departed on a weeklong, goodwill trip to the United Kingdom. While there Christie is renting a flat or, at least, it’s flat now.
7. According to a new biography, Queen Elizabeth fears that Britain will be shocked by the different style of monarchy Prince Charles is planning. Word is, he plans on waving with his left hand.
8. Charles Manson called off his wedding scheduled for this weekend due to cold feet. Even worse, they weren’t his feet.
9. Last week, Disney announced its newest princess will be Elena of Avalor, Disney’s first Latino princess. According to inside sources, the movie will be exactly like “The Little Mermaid” just minus the “Mer” part.
10. On Friday, a truck driver distracted by yanking free his loose tooth veered off the road and caused a mile-long backup on an Alabama freeway. Or, as it was reported in Alabama, “Yet another danger associated with having teeth.”