10 Best Jokes of the Week (as decided by me, I don’t care about your opinion)

1. According to a new study, smarter people tend to use iPhones. Although that number dwindles dramatically if the iPhone is attached to a selfie-stick.

2. The World Games, an event held every four years that showcases more than 35 sports not on the Olympic program, will be hosted in 2021 by Birmingham, Alabama. So if that’s not motivation to get your sport into the Olympics by 2021, then I don’t know what is.

3. During Tuesday’s State of the Union, President Obama made history by using the words “transgender,” “lesbian” and “bi-sexual.” “That can’t be true, I’m pretty sure I mentioned lesbians a time or two,” said Bill Clinton.

4. Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal was criticized on Wednesday by his state’s two largest newspapers over contentious remarks referring to Muslim-controlled “no-go zone” areas in European cities. The most shocking part of that story is that there are two newspapers in Louisiana.

5. According to reports, ride-sharing company Uber has privately raised $1.6 billion. They did so by giving four customers a ride while it was raining.

6. According to a new study, people who live near trees are richer, smarter and healthier. So stop telling me to take the Christmas tree to the curb, Shelia.

7. A new study shows, families with under-immunized or unvaccinated children tend to cluster together. Yeah, it’s called a hospital.

8. According to a new study, the most accurate predictions of which movies the U.S. Library of Congress will deem “culturally, historically or aesthetically significant” are not the views of the critics or fans but a simple algorithm applied to a database. “So you’re telling me there’s a chance,” said Gigli.

9. On Monday, the Pope said Catholics should not feel they have to breed “like rabbits” because of the church’s ban on contraception. “Not cool, dude,” said the Easter Bunny.

10. An Instagram photo of Miss Lebanon poising with other Miss Universe contestants, including Miss Israel, is causing an uproar in Lebanon. They’re gonna be really pissed when they find out the Miss Israel’s talent is drawing pictures of Mohammad.

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