10 Best Jokes of the Week (as decided by me, I don’t care about your opinion)

1. Comedian Adam Sandler topped Forbes’ list of Hollywood’s most overpaid actors for the second consecutive year. Luckily there’s still a lot of room on his trophy case for the award.

2. A new survey indicates about a third of 15-year-olds in the United Kingdom have blacked out due to alcohol, a rate that rises to nearly three-quarters by the time they reach 19. Although the number is expected to decline since Britain is not included in Bill Cosby’s upcoming tour.

3. United States officials said on Monday, the U.S. helped a Cuban spy imprisoned in California, artificially inseminate his wife back in Cuba. Said his wife, “Yeah, that’s how I got pregnant.”

4. A live version of the controversial film “The interview” will be staged on December 27th at a small 50-seat theater in midtown Manhattan. Or, as it will be known on December 28th, a smoldering crater.

5. It has been reported that Kanye West spent $74,000 on Christmas gifts for his daughter North West. Finally answering the question, how many pictures of Kanye West can you buy for $74,000?

6. According to sources, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell told teams that are possible relocation candidates like the San Diego Chargers, Oakland Raiders and St. Louis Rams that a professional football team will not move to Los Angeles next season. Which also means that there won’t be professional football in Oakland next season as well.

7. Russian President Vladimir Putin said it is too early to decide whether he’ll run for re-election in 2018. Adding, “If everything goes according to plan, there won’t even be elections by then.”

8. The White House on Friday released a draft of its plan to rate U.S. colleges and tie federal aid to performance as a way to coax institutions into improving. And, in what can only be described as a bad sign, no one at the Arizona State University was able to read it.

9. Google is laying the groundwork for a version of Android that would be built directly into vehicles and allow drivers to enjoy the internet on the road. Bringing us ever closer to Google’s dream of us all dying in fiery car crashes.

10. During a speech on North Korea’s hacking of Sony Pictures, President Obama accidentally called James Franco, one of the stars of “The Interview,” James Flacco. Said an obviously stoned Seth Rogen, “Shit, I’ve been calling him the wrong name this whole time.”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.