1. According to reports, North Korea has ordered people who share the same name as leader Kim Jong Un to change their names. Said the other Kim Jong Uns, “Yeah, because we’re the ones giving us a bad name.”
2. Microsoft announced this week that it is closing its outdated Clip Art shop and replacing it with Bing Image Search. “This does not bode well for my job security,” said the talking paperclip.
3. Yesterday, active MLB umpire Dale Scott made history by announcing that he is gay. Said Scott, “I’m out.”
4. For the ninth year in a row, Florida made it through hurricane season without being hit by a hurricane. So, yeah, it just normally looks like that.
5. On Monday, Hillary Clinton remained quiet on the issue of the Keystone pipeline while speaking before a conservative group that is opposed to the plan. But, if she’s anything like her husband, I’m sure she’s in favor of laying some pipe.
6. Amid re-surfacing allegations of sexual assault, embattled comedian Bill Cosby is offering refunds to anyone who purchased tickets to his upcoming show in Tarrytown but have now changed their minds. Unfortunately, the only way to get the refund is to reach into Cosby’s front pocket to get the money back.
7. Over the weekend in New Jersey, Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi wed longtime beau Jionni LaValle in a celebration inspired by “the Great Gatsby.” Im assuming it was based on the movie because they don’t strike me as big readers.
8. On Thursday of last week, acclaimed British crime writer P.D. James died at the age of 94. She is survived by her husband, two children and four grandchildren, or, as she would have called them, the seven prime suspects.
9. Country music star Garth Brooks has cancelled his upcoming scheduled national television appearances on shows like “the Tonight Show” and “Live with Kelly and Michael” saying it would be in poor taste to promote his comeback album during the protests and unrest in Ferguson, Missouri. Plus, why give them another reason to riot?
10. Over the weekend, 62-year-old actor Mickey Rourke won a boxing match against a fighter half his age. The victory marked the first time in boxing history where, at the end of the match, the winner’s face looked worst than the guy who got knocked out.