1. Tennessee Titans tight-end Chase Coffman has been fined $30,000 by the NFL for hitting a Baltimore Ravens assistant coach on the sidelines during a game last week. But, on the plus-side, at least the abuse is getting closer to taking place on the field.
2. A 91-year-old woman in Poland was declared dead on November 6 and sent to a funeral home, only to wake up 11 hours later in cold storage. It marked the first and only time anyone, even for a brief moment, mistook Poland for heaven.
3. R.A. Montgomery, author of the long-running “Choose Your Own Adventure” books, died last week. His last words were reportedly, “Quick, go back to page 42.”
4. Hipsters in the Middle East are being confused with Jihadists because of their long beards. “Two birds, one stone,” said the guy who operates the drones.
5. 80-year-old Charles Manson is set to wed his 26-year-old girlfriend. That’s ridiculous, he’s old enough to have murdered her grandfather.
6. Yesterday, Ireland beat the United States in soccer 4-1. Or, as Irish fans saw it, 44-11.
7. The Game Show Network announced they will add a horror themed game show next year called “Hellevator.” And even though it hasn’t aired yet, the NFL has already publicly claimed that they haven’t seen it.
8. On Thursday, federal officials recalled 4.7 million strollers after reports of amputations. Which is ridiculous, because that’s when you’re gonna need a stroller the most.
9. According to a new study, rushing to put on a condom may lead to problems that raise the risk of sexually transmitted diseases. Or, at least, that’s what I’m telling every girl from now on.
10. On Thursday, the NFL announced that the game between the Jets and the Bills will be moved from Buffalo to Detroit due to the snowstorm. The game will mark the first time in history that anyone has ever uttered the phrase, “I can’t wait to get back to Buffalo.”