10 Best Jokes of the Week (as decided by me, I don’t care about your opinion)

1. On Wednesday, a Florida man broke the record for the biggest and most expensive Starbucks drink by ordering a 101-shot latte that cost him $83.75. Even more impressive, he set the same record in California the next day and got there by running.

2. On Thursday, police in Alabama found a suspected drug dealer who has hiding in tall grass near his home thanks to the man’s dog whose tail could be seen wagging enthusiastically above the weeds. Said the man, “Zoinks!”

3. Norwegian Air Shuttle was forced to delay a flight to New York by five hours on Tuesday because of a mouse in the cockpit. A mouse in the cockpit, or as it’s known around Richard Gere’s house, a weeknight.

4. South Carolina Senator Lindsey Graham, who may run for president, was recorded during a private gathering saying “white men who are in male-only clubs are going to do great in my presidency.” Which isn’t that surprising considering it’s also the slogan for the Republican Party.

5. Households across the U.S. this Halloween are displaying hand-painted, teal-colored pumpkins on their porches to signal that it’s safe for children with food allergies to trick or treat there. That, of they’re really lazy and haven’t thrown away their pumpkin from last year.

6. Over the weekend, North Korean leader Kim Jong Un visited an orphanage. Jong Un is interested in adoption because apparently he’s running out of family members to kill.

7. A Florida man who was arrested at a Halloween party in 2012 for assaulting a drag queen with a tiki torch while dressed in a KKK robe, is now running for mayor of his town. Even worse, he didn’t know it was a costume party.

8. Madison Square Garden Co., which owns the New York Knicks, said on Monday it is considering a plan to separate into two companies. This is one of those rare cases where the divorce is the child’s fault.

9. On Friday, TLC canceled its popular reality series “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo.” So now the next time someone says “here comes Honey Boo Boo” it will probably by a DJ at a strip club.

10. A bakery in Texas has created a new desert that is a pumpkin pie inside a pumpkin-spiced cake on top of a pecan pie inside a chocolate cake all toped with an apple pie inside a cake. It’s a great way to celebrate your last birthday.

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