10 Best Jokes of the Week (as decided by me, I don’t care about your opinion)

1. Jamaica announced an immediate travel ban on Thursday for foreigners who are traveling into the country from Ebola-affect African countries. But, just to be safe, the government has instituted a new policy of “puff, puff, stay.”

2. On Wednesday, yogurt became New York’s official state snack, replacing the previous state snack of oh God, that’s not yogurt!

3. Pizza Hut had to apologize after an employee wrote “the Fat Lady” on a customer’s receipt. Although, if writing “the Fat Lady” on a customer’s receipt helped identify that customer in a Pizza Hut I’m willing to bet “the Only Lady Here” would have worked as well.

4. Yesterday, on Twitter, singer Demi Lovato jokingly announced that she agreed to marry a five-year-old fan who proposed to her at her last concert. Because, apparently, if you’re underage and ask someone named Demi to marry you, they have to say yes.

5. Former presidential candidate Mitt Romney publicly posted a love letter to his wife, Ann, Tuesday on social media. In the letter, Mitt said he couldn’t imagine his life without her, but, since he’s Mormon, he could imagine a life with several additional Anns.

6. Vice President Joe Biden, in a closed-door meeting with black clergy members in South Carolina, reportedly referred to himself as “the only white boy on the east side of Wilmington,” growing up. Which is still much better than the previous nickname he gave himself, “the Fresh Prince of Delaware.”

7. A finalist to head the largest U.S. Native American tribe will remain on the ballot despite a ruling last week that he should be disqualified for refusing to prove his fluency in the Navajo language. So now the names on the ballot are “Sitting Bear,” “Wandering Eagle” and “Bob.”

8. According to estimates, adult Halloween costumes will outsell kids’ costumes by $320 million this year. Which is weird, because I’m pretty sure most of the costumes I see women wearing were made for kids.

9. A 12-year-old girl from Arizona called out Dick’s Sporting Goods for failing to include female athletes in its 2014 basketball catalog. But, in their defense, most professional female basketball players aren’t interested in Dicks.

10. According to a new study, dining with an overweight person may cause people to eat more unhealthy foods. So apparently New Jersey Governor Chris Christie has been eating lunch in front of a mirror for the past 25 years.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.