10 Best Jokes of the Week (as decided by me, I don’t care about your opinion)

1. Yesterday, Toronto Mayor Rob Ford allegedly received an email threatening to blow up city hall unless he resigned within 12 hours. And so begins the plot to the newest “Die Hard” movie, “Pie Hard.”

2. The FCC voted to require all cell phone carriers to allow customers to text 911 instead of calling. But, not to come off desperate, 911 always waits three days to text back.

3. A man in Colorado has spent the last 14 years turning rooms in his log cabin into various sets used in the “Star Trek” series. And, if you’re impressed with the level of imagination that went into that, you should “meet” his girlfriend.

4. According to a new study, men over 5’10” are twice as likely to cheat on their partners. The study was conducted in the NBA.

5. Iranian mathematician Maryam Mirzakhani on Wednesday became the first woman to be awarded the Fields Medal, mathematic’s equivalent to the Nobel Prize. The only thing rarer than a woman winning the Fields Medal is a female mathematician in Iran who hasn’t been stoned to death.

6. A Danish architectural firm is working to create a zoo without cages called “Zootopia.” It’s perfect for the zoo-goer who loves lions and carcasses.

7. A company has created a new service in Manhattan and San Francisco that delivers condoms to customers 24 hours a day via bike messenger. So if waiting for the condoms to arrive doesn’t kill the mood, a sweaty man in spandex should do the trick.

8. A California federal judge issued an order yesterday to stop the operators of several websites from distributing stolen copies of the upcoming “Expendables 3” film, set to be released this Friday. But, in defense of those websites, many of the actors in the movie wanted to see the film as early as possible because they weren’t sure they’d make it to Friday.

9. Chinese search engine giant Baidu has been told by Beijing government officials to clean up its content after pornographic files were found on its online storage service. Said the officials, “It’s not important how we found them.”

10. Former New York Congressman Anthony Weiner is set to open a restaurant in Rockaway, Queens. Weiner settled upon a name once he was informed that it’s not illegal to use a name that rhymes with “Hard Rock Cafe.”

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