1. A woman in South Carolina called the police after she caught her son watching porn in the living room. And to think, if she had come home just ten minutes later, she would have called the national guard when she saw what he was doing.
2. A toddler squeezed through the White House gates Thursday evening, causing a brief security lockdown. Add in the kid calling the president “daddy,” and you have Bill Clinton’s recurring nightmare from 1992 through 2000.
3. On Wednesday, First Lady Michelle Obama said she considers former First Lady Laura Bush a, “role model and a friend.” Said Laura Bush, “See, I told you I had a black friend.”
4. According to a new study, many kids are prone to understate their weight problem if they have one. “Don’t worry, we’re on it,” said middle school bullies.
5. A New Hampshire state legislator, who is white, said he should be able to join the black caucus because he’s fond of rap music. But, since this is New Hampshire, first he’ll have to create the New Hampshire black caucus.
6. According to rumors, Kim Kardashian and Paris Hilton have ended their eight year feud. Way to go girls, life’s too short, hopefully.
7. The reigning NBA champion San Antonio Spurs named long-time WNBA star Becky Hammon as the first full-time female assistant coach in league history on Tuesday. If she’s the first female assistant coach in NBA history, then who’s been teaching the Knicks to play like that?
8. A study released on Monday found that Hollywood has not meaningfully increased the number of minority characters on the big screen, with Hispanics being the most underrepresented demographic. Looks like someone never saw 2005’s “the Constant Gardener.”
9. A grieving Texas man is planning a second burial service for his mother after a mortuary mistakenly placed the wrong body in a grave on top of his father. Said the son, “I guess my mother was right when she told my father that he could have a threesome ‘over her dead body.’”
10. A lawmaker in Ohio is set to introduce legislation that will create a specialty license plate celebrating LeBron James’ return to Cleveland. Which seems appropriate as it will be the last thing Cavs fans see when LeBron drives out of town again in two years.