10 Best Jokes of the Week (as decided by me, I don’t care about your opinion)

1. The NBA announced Thursday that it would be putting its social-media identifier, @NBA, on all game balls starting next season. This marks the first time a Twitter feed will appear on balls and not the other way around.

2. On Thursday, the NFL announced that it will place radio frequency transmitters in players’ shoulder pads to track their movements on the field and provide more accurate statistics. Said local police, “It would really help us out a lot if they wore them off the field as well.”

3. Orlando Bloom and Justin Bieber got into a bar fight early Wednesday morning at a nightclub in Ibiza. Which is bad publicity for the actor and the singer, but even worse publicity for bar fights.

4. According to new study, over 70% of firefighters are overweight or obese. Which would explain the troubling new trend of firemen showing up to fires, roasting a few marshmallows and then getting to work.

5. A man in Buffalo is suing Starbucks claiming that employees spiked his tea with hallucinogens. That’s so juvenile, grow up and drink coffee like the rest of us.

6. The producers of the Broadway musical “Spiderman: Turn Off the Dark,” announced plans yesterday for two new shows based off the animated movies “Rio” and “Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked.” Said the producers, “See, we told you Spiderman wasn’t the worst idea.”

7. Yesterday, a Florida family scavenging for sunken treasure on a shipwreck found the missing
piece of a 300-year-old gold necklace. Although it should surprise no one that the missing link was found in Florida.

8. Supporters of former President Hugo Chavez on Monday unveiled a font for typing that mimics the late socialist leader’s handwriting. Big deal, we got something like over here for former President George W. Bush, it’s called wingdings.

9. Last week, the Prime Minister of Ukraine announced his resignation. So let me be the first to congratulate the next Prime Minister of Ukraine, Vladimir Putin.

10. On Friday, a Massachusetts judge refused to toss out the murder charges against ex-New England Patriot Aaron Hernandez. Then, for some unexplained reason, Hernandez added the judge’s name to a list of other names, some of which were already crossed off.

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