10 Best Jokes of the Week (as decided by me, I don’t care about your opinion)

1. This weekend, Bravo is premiering a new reality show called “Game of Crowns” that follows pageant contestants in their 30s and 40s. I thought we already had a show like that, it was called “Sarah Palin’s Alaska.”

2. Actress Mila Kunis said her fiancé Ashton Kutcher was her first kiss. Said Kutcher, “Between Mila and Demi, now I’ve been someone’s first and last.”

3. According to research, the prevalence of severe obesity among school children in New York City was down by almost 10 percent. A trend researchers are attributing to healthier lunch options and narrower school entrances.

4. Duke University is set to market a line of bourbon whiskey emblazoned with the school’s name and logo. The product’s slogan is: Duke brand bourbon, you talk a big game but never make it past the first round.

5. A new study shows, only 28% of Americans think the U.S. is the greatest country in the world. Not coincidentally, 72% of Americans think Candyland is an actual country.

6. According to reports, Disney is putting together a live-action movie version of “Dumbo.” Alright, then what was “Precious” about?

7. Self-service beer stations are up and running at Minnesota’s Target Field ahead of next week’s MLB All-Star Game. The self-service machines are called DraftServ, or, as they will come to be known around the seventh inning, urinals.

8. Former Georgian President Eduard Shevardnadze died yesterday at the age of 86. My prayers are with his family and whoever has to carve that tombstone.

9. A Louisiana Republican seeking to unseat Democratic Senator Mary Landrieu announced on Thursday that his unwed teenage daughter is pregnant. Or, as it is referred to in Louisiana, a non-story.

10. Over the weekend, Joran van der Sloot got married to a Venezuelan woman while serving his 28-year prison sentence for murder. The couple agreed to love and honor each other until death due them part in exactly 28 years.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.