1. Willie Nelson is the latest act to cancel a concert at Orlando’s SeaWorld in the wake of the animal abuse documentary “Blackfish.” But, there’s still a good chance that Willie forgets and shows up anyway.
2. Researchers say they have observed alligators using sticks to lure in prey in the wild. No word on whether gators prefer “Come Sail Away” or “Mr. Roboto.”
3. Pope Francis ordered the formation of a team to address the sexual abuse of children in the Catholic Church, his first major steps towards tackle the crisis that has plagued it for two decades. Although, now that it’s two decades old, I have a feeling the priests are gonna lose interest in it anway.
4. On Monday, North Korea announced the dismissal of Jang Song Thaek, the uncle of leader Kim Jong Un, for what it described as a string of criminal acts including corruption, womanizing and drug abuse. And, somewhere in the world, Rob Ford crosses off “North Korea” on his list of places to visit.
5. Six men suspected of stealing dangerous radioactive cargo from a truck outside Mexico City earlier this week, have been treated at a local hospital for signs of radiation as they remain under police guard. But, it’s not all bad news, as a result of the exposure, we now have six new superheros: the Glowing-Green Mexican, His-Panic, the Gardener, El Hombre Muy Enferma, Dora the Sheer Horror and Leukemia Man.
6. On Friday, U.S. health regulators approved a new drug injection that treats a condition that causes a curvature of the penis called Peyronie’s disease. “Great, now if I get it fixed will you change the name?” said Tim Peyronie.
7. Sporting Kansas City won its second MLS Cup in dramatic fashion on Saturday, beating Real Salt Lake 7-6 in a penalty shootout. Kansas City will hold the victory parade never, because it’s soccer and no one cares.
8. NBC’s telecast of the musical “The Sound of Music” last week garnered an impressive 18.5 million viewers. Former American Idol winner Carrie Underwood’s performance as Maria received mixed reviews, but everyone agreed fellow A.I. alum Ruben Studdard nailed his role as the Alps.
9. Walt Disney has bought the rights to any future “Indiana Jones” films under an agreement with Paramount Pictures. Reportedly they have already begun work on the next film, “Indiana Jones and Temple of Room-atoid Arthritis.”
10. Republican Senator Rand Paul said on Sunday he is giving serious thought to a run for the presidency in 2016. “That’s great sir, but this is a Radio Shack and I’m gonna have to ask you to leave,” said the only other person in the room.