1. According to reports, singer Chris Brown was booted from a rehab facility this month after smashing his mother’s car window during a family session. So, he’s cured?
2. According to reports, singer Chris Brown was booted from a rehab facility this month after smashing his mother’s car window during a family session. But, in his defense, you’d flip-out if you saw Chris Brown staring back at you when you looked in a car window, too.
3. Gillette announced Thursday that it would auction off two hair balls, formerly the beards of World Series MVP David Ortiz and Red Sox teammate Shane Victorino. Gillette says they are the perfect gift for the Yankee fan who wants to put that personal touch on his voodoo dolls.
4. A new study suggests, being in good physical shape may help preserve people’s thinking and memory skills. So great news America, we’re no longer fat and stupid, now we’re just fat and forgetful.
5. A poll released on Thursday showed an overwhelming majority of Floridians would support legalizing marijuana for medical purposes in the Sunshine State. Although it is a little suspicious that everyone who took the poll winked and used air-quotes when they said “medical purpose.”
6. A broken heart and a graffiti-covered car door will be the first two pieces from street artist Banksy’s New York series to go up for public sale next month. So if you’re in the market for a graffiti-covered car door, why?
7. Actor Leonardo DiCaprio’s conservation foundation has awarded a $3 million grant to the World Wildlife Foundation to help Nepal increase its tiger population. $3 million? That’s a lot of tiger lube.
8. In a recent interview, singer Justin Bieber said he “is happy with the man he is becoming.” I don’t know about man? Chaz Bono is a more convincing man.
9. This week, People Magazine named singer Adam Levine as the “Sexiest Man Alive.” So I guess it’s safe to assume the editors at People watch “the Voice” on mute.
10. George P. Bush, son of Jeb Bush and nephew of former President George W. Bush, has filed the necessary paperwork to run for state office in Texas. Begging the question, how uncreative is this family when it comes to naming kids. I don’t know, fuck it, name him George again.
11. A Massachusetts high school football team canceled the rest of its season after someone scrawled a racial epithet on the home of one of its players. Said one Jacksonville Jaguars fan, “That’s all it takes for a team to stop playing? Do you know where I can get a can of spray paint? And, follow-up question, do you know where any Jaguar players live?”
12. According to new research, cigarette smokers over 65 years old who quit may be able to reduce their risk of dying from heart-related problems to levels of those who never smoked. So, if you’re under 65, keep smoking, I guess.